Things have been different lately. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but it is different. I’m trying a lot of new things and I’m talking to new people and going new places, and that makes from some changes, I suppose.
I work at a library. I had a particularly busy day the other day, and it wasn’t that it was a bad day it was just that I was frustrated because I didn’t have the patience to understand the noise that is really just life and I normally would, and anyway I had some annoying conversations with some people and I was feeling particularly odd. Like I was slightly wounded I guess and a little tired and a little too sensitive for the world at that moment.
I went back to my desk when a man returned a DVD, and when I went to go put it back, he began talking about the movie he had seen to a woman next to him. The spoke for awhile about different things while I sat behind the desk only half-listening. The long story short is that they decide to get a coffee after.
I witnessed that moment, it was so unusual and yet maybe not, and of course maybe nothing will come of it. Maybe one of them won’t show up to the coffee place or maybe they will go on three dates or something and decide to part ways.
But maybe they would stay together for a while, like a few months or maybe a few years. Maybe forever. The point was that it was a new beginning. And these people were not exactly young, they were maybe in their 40’s, which I realize to some people is still very young indeed. But there was this thing in the air that I couldn’t put my finger on. It’s this thing, it keeps me up at night and has me painting on my floor and laughing too loudly and drinking lots of coffee and speaking to new people and wishing I could be with people who are much too far away.
Anyway, that’s what life has been like lately. This churning and turning that has ruptured something inside of me and set something else on fire. And when I think of the world that is too awful and how everything is sometimes too much, something surprises me. Like when I’m stuck waiting to turn in traffic and a kind soul waves me forward, or when someone flips the bill as I stumble around looking for change. There is such kindness that I sometimes forget about and it’s contributing to this thing that I am feeling lately. It’s all kind of lost and wandering and again, I can’t identify it, but I think that it’s good.
As a result of this weird potpourri of emotions, I am going to be starting a few new projects very quietly to see how I like them. First, I’m working on a lot of paintings to open up an Etsy shop. I’ve been working hard and painting very late into the night and there are numerous stains on my floor, so that should speak for itself. I’ll update this site as soon as things are up and running!
Another thing, I am going to be traveling in a few weeks, and I think I’ll be filming some things that I see with my camera. Then I might clumsily edit those things to resemble some sort of video that I might upload to YouTube. All of this is terrifying to me, so the key word here is quietly. If any of that happens, I will link it here as well. I just feel like I want to record some of the little corners of my day, a very simple display of moments. We’ll see.
These things all feel pretty good to me, even if they don’t lift off very soon.
I hope things are going well with anyone else who is reading this too.