I am writing this as I sit outside on our back patio. It isn’t necessarily warm, but it’s not cold out either.
I started thinking about how it’s almost been a year since I graduated from college. That is a strange feeling, as I wish that I had done a little bit more or had a more accomplished job by now. It started feeling like things were exactly the same as they were a year ago.
But, I got a new job, I’ve been published twice, and I’ve given my first official talk at a bookstore, so I am feeling slightly productive at this current moment in time.
Some of my ventures for the summer to keep me moving forward are:
- Start and maintain a successful garden
- Go to more writing groups in my area
- Start my own poetry blog
Let me know what your summer resolutions are, and I will be back here soon!
It is the breath of fresh air
Like the first warm April breeze
It is the sweet perfume of newness
Like flowers that have pushed out of the dirt
It is the anticipation an empty glass feels
Before it is finally filled
It is the itching a wick experiences
Waiting for its first burn of fire
It is the comfort of knowing
There will always be a tomorrow to wake to
It is the thing I have been looking for in all my digging
A glimpse of hope
A clean slate.
I haven’t undergone a major life crisis, but over the past few weeks, I’ve had many small personal ones. It’s funny, sometimes little situations or changes can make me feel icky and unsettled, like I need a new layer of skin to shield me from everyone else. These things came up for various areas of my life, and I had to learn how to persevere, the way we all do from one time to another.
Here is some advice if you have felt abandoned or lonely or out-of-sorts: Life goes on as long as you are deciding that it does. Buy yourself some flowers, make yourself some coffee, put on your favorite records, light your candles at night, go to sleep early, go to sleep late, watch all your favorite shows, buy ice cream in the middle of winter, kiss your dog, hug your friend, draw something, write something, play the piano (poorly), buy a book you may never read, and be happy. There are things changing in my life and I don’t always have control over that, but I realized that while sadness may always come in life, so can happiness. Sometimes they exist at exactly the same time.
“I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an
open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when
I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should
reach out and touch someone.”
For awhile now, I’ve been itching for a record player to play my favorite music on. I wanted to tangibly be connected with the songs, and I was overjoyed to unwrap one on Christmas morning.
My parents felt extremely nostalgic as they showed me how to properly use it and care for it, and I sat by the player and watched the records spin and stayed in a blissful trance.
Some other amazing and thoughtful gifts that I received:
-A locket with my initials engraved on the front
-The Illustrated version of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
-A collection of all the Harry Potter books in paperback
-A scarf from Italy
-A cross-stitching kit
-The new Pokemon game (thanks to my brother)
-Lush bath goodies
-A new watch
(and tons more)
I’ve been looking through all of these things lately and trying to use them and enjoy them. Sometimes after Christmas is over, I find that I forgot a lot of gifts or put them to the side. This year, I’m trying to use them all.
I decided that I was giving myself a gift this year: the will. I want to give myself the will to go out and do whatever it is that I feel like doing, or want to do, or should do. Life is too short, that is that realization that I have come to. Does that sound cheesy? Oh well. I don’t want to miss out on things because I was too lazy to seek it.
This brings me to my favorite quote from one of my favorite writers:
“If we wait until we’re
ready, we’ll be
waiting for the rest of our
The breeze, the blast
The wind, the cracks
The twigs, the ice
The freeze is nice.
An open road,
A heavy branch
Weighed down with snow
Across the ranch.
The icicles are intricate
Like lacy thoughts, they’re intimate
The glistening warms this heart of mine,
I dream often of winter time.
The one thing that I hope for myself in the New Year (besides the list that I previously posted about) is that I continue to evolve. I think about the past, about the versions of myself that I used to be at other times, and I am happy with where I am now. I’ve continued to grow and to not be afraid of where change might bring me.
It is such a beautiful thing to keep evolving, to never stop being curious about things.
I find that far too often, curiosity and creativity is squashed, but if you chase the things you wonder about, your life can be so much more.
And I don’t mean evolving in a Pokemon way, but, I suppose that works too. I think my plans to continue this pattern is to not have a pattern at all, but rather, to live spontaneously with a general path in mind. I have already started a few new ventures that I am excited to share very soon, and I am in love with the way they are shaping up.
What are your thoughts on change and growth?
I got this beautiful book yesterday for Christmas and I cannot put it down! Lang Leav is one of my favorite modern poets, and this book is beautiful. It has even inspired me to try my hand at poetry. I’m not sure how good that is yet. Maybe some will be shared on here eventually.
I have been thinking a lot about inspiration lately. Creativity seems to shrink for me when there is a lot of outside distractions. The holidays obviously pose a threat.
But there is the hope of the future that keeps me going. Winter is my favorite season, and even though the holidays have passed and our lives need to continue without gifts and lights, we can continue to enjoy the rest of this season. There is so much beauty and quiet in the environment around me now that the snow has settled and the trees are bare.
I am very much loving this in-between time, this lull that exists in the middle of Christmas and the new year. It feels insulating, like we still have a little bit of life to live this year before we start new. I love that feeling, and I am so happy to wrap myself up in it like a blanket.
Shirt- American Eagle
Boots- Old Navy
A little side note, I have a lot of plans for the new year! I am starting a story very soon and I am overjoyed to finally be rewriting it. I’ll also be starting a nature journal. I’d like to post some of that on here. I might fool around with some video content as well which might show me gathering some things for the journal. Let me know if you have any good ideas in regards to that!